what to say when he says he doesnt know what he wants
It'due south not like shooting fish in a barrel to take "the conversation."
Y'all know the one I'm talking about…
Y'all: What ARE nosotros?
Him: Uh…gotta become.
Maybe it takes you weeks to piece of work up the courage to have the conversation, and yous've listed out your talking points…
… or maybe it spontaneously bursts out at what seems like the worst possible moment for a word of this magnitude.
Maybe you're sick and tired of the dubiousness of whether at that place'south a future with this guy or not.
However you ended up having this awkward conversation, if his response is I don't know what I want right now, it can exist devastating, infuriating, and completely disruptive.
What does that even hateful?
You feel confident in what yous desire…
… why doesn't he?
Allow me tell y'all why he says he doesn't know what he wants. Actually, there are 3 reasons why a guy might tell you he'south not certain what he's looking for. Nosotros'll get into those in this video and article.
Just more than understanding why it is that he doesn't know what he wants, you need to consider how you lot respond to him. What you say and exercise after that conversation volition depend on what's going on behind the scenes.
Cheque out this video to detect out why he tells you he doesn't know what he wants, also equally how to respond to each situation.
Your autobus,
Summary
It happens in then many relationships. I simply can't tell y'all how many.
Then many.
Y'all're ready for a real relationship and commitment , and he is on the fence nigh moving forward.
You're in this neither/nor not-relationship human relationship.
Information technology sucks.
And when you bring up " the chat ," you might be hoping that he'll tell y'all he's falling for y'all.
Only he doesn't.
Instead, he rubs his head, looks at the flooring, and says, I'grand not sure what I'thou looking for right now.
Y'all walk abroad feeling bruised and vulnerable for having put yourself out there, letting him know that yous were way more than into him than he was yous.
But should you immediately end things once that horrific conversation is over?
Non necessarily…
The key to making it through this situation is to inject some logic into the equation, instead of reacting based on emotions.
Yeah, emotions will be running loftier for you. You may feel rejected. How could y'all be falling for him without him falling for you lot in return?
Withal, let cooler heads prevail. I hope you will exist happier in the long run if you respond logically rather than emotionally.
In my experience, there are typically 3 reasons why a guy might say he doesn't know what he wants.
The way you would respond depends completely on why you think he feels this manner. And so take a await at these three reasons he says he doesn't know what he wants and get a game plan together for how you will respond if and when the conversation comes upwards.
1. He'south Manipulating You
If he merely sees you to take sex, he'due south not looking for a relationship.
He knows what he wants and information technology isn't you.
He wants to have sexual activity with you…while having the option to do the same matter with many other women.
He's stringing you forth telling you that he's figuring out what he wants, or that he needs more time when in reality, it'due south been figured out from the very commencement.
He'south non looking for a time to come with you lot . I'chiliad sad to say it, but information technology'south better you hear it from me than from him months from now when y'all're as well emotionally invested to back out easily.
If This is Why He Doesn't Know What He Wants…
Y'all want to believe that this guy is really deep, and he only needs more time to work through his feelings. Yous believe he'll come out wanting something serious with you .
If, when he tells you he doesn't know what he wants, you lot realize he'south shown absolutely no interest in you beyond sex, it'due south time to start wondering well-nigh this guy.
If he hasn't tried to spend time with you to get to know you outside of the bedroom…
If he only wants to hang out at dark or on his schedule…
And then he's a manipulator.
The best thing to do in this situation is to protect your heart and move on . Y'all won't exist able to convince a manipulating histrion that he wants to be in a meaningful relationship with yous.
It own't happening.
And why would you want it to? This guy is non boyfriend or fifty-fifty hubby material. Gratis yourself up to notice a guy that actually is.
2. He's Legitimately Confused Virtually What He Wants In a Relationship
He may just non however know what he wants from you.
In this case, there's probably something else going on in his life that's actually stopping him from jumping head commencement into a relationship with you lot.
Maybe he wants you, but his ex keeps texting him and is completely messing with his caput.
Perhaps he's got kids and wants to accept things suuuuuper boring to ensure that they don't get hurt if things don't piece of work out with Dad and his new girlfriend.
Peradventure he loves you, but he's moving across the land in two weeks and doesn't think that it makes sense to develop a long-distance human relationship .
[As a side note, the boilerplate length of time a long-distance relationship lasts is just 4.v months . So he'southward right. There's not much point in developing a relationship with that distance looming alee.]
Whatsoever the upshot is, y'all may non fifty-fifty exist enlightened of it. Considering you oasis't escalated to that side by side level in your relationship, he may not experience like he needs to open up to you emotionally. It's a Grab 22 situation.
If This is Why He Doesn't Know What He Wants…
The surest sign that he's merely legitimately confused almost what he wants is that when you lot're with him, information technology feels similar there's a real emotional connection. Y'all're sure of him and his feelings for yous.
Simply when yous're not together, he seems to pull away.
You might have a boom together and spend the weekend holed up in your house watching Netflix and enjoying one another, but then you might not hear from him for two days. And even then, y'all're the ane to reach out.
The best thing to practise in this scenario is to just be open with him about what it is that y'all're noticing and run into if you tin become to the heart of the problem.
You: Hey, I'm getting mixed signals from you lately. It seems similar you're really into me similar I am you when we're together, but when we're apart, I feel actually distanced from you when I don't hear from you for days.
This fashion you'll have the information about what's actually going on and sympathise why he's acting this way.
And so you can see if information technology makes sense to pursue the relationship any farther. He very honestly may just need time . If you're willing to give it to him, you may exist rewarded with a guy who's made the effort to really assess what he wants and needs, and who ends upward choosing you.
So…patience, thou'lady.
3. He'south Delaying the Conclusion Until He Knows Yous Better
Sometimes people only take different speeds when it comes to moving a relationship to the next level.
For yous, information technology might take you lot three weeks before you lot want to swoop head get-go. You're dying to hear those three magical words .
He, on the other mitt, might need six months before he really knows whether or not he sees a futurity with you lot.
There's admittedly nothing incorrect with you lot if you lot fall first or faster. And there's null wrong with him for taking his time.
Like I said: everyone's got their ain schedule for this sort of affair. Information technology tin can be incredibly frustrating if yous're ahead of him considering you have to wait with dubiety to see if he feels the same.
And he might non.
If he doesn't, and then y'all've invested all this energy into falling for a guy who in the terminate realized the two of you weren't a long-term match. And that will have some fourth dimension to work through.
On the other manus, if he doesn't know what he wants because he wants to be one,000% sure that you're right for him, yous should be glad of that. This guy won't hurt you past saying he loves you without meaning it. He'll take his time and practice information technology correct.
If This is Why He Doesn't Know What He Wants…
If y'all haven't known each other for very long, that may exist why he says he doesn't know what he wants. He doesn't feel like he's had plenty time to get to know yous to be certain he wants to motion forwards with you.
I know you're in a hurry to create something new and lasting with this guy, but I urge you to ho-hum down. Allow him set the tempo.
No 1 e'er regretted moving slower toward falling in love . Ever.
If you haven't known someone for that long, there's no reason to push commitment. Having "the conversation" before two or three months — at a minimum — can make him then uncomfortable that he decides to move on from yous. He might be open to committing to yous, but if you force the result besides before long, you might scare him off. He may wonder why y'all're and so desperate to jump in so fast.
Don't use those ii or three months I used every bit an example as a hard and fast dominion. Use common sense. If he'due south showing signs he's interested in committing to y'all but seems hesitant after iv months…or seven…that's when this conversation should happen. Any sooner and you'll spook him. Then read the signs. Pay attention. Then make your movement.
Decision:
Exist patient when he doesn't know what he wants.
Y'all don't have to end things just because he'southward he doesn't know what he wants right now. He could accept a adept reason for being unsure, like #ii and #3 that I covered here.
Don't rush information technology.
If you're dating in your 40s , realize that the men you meet are more than likely to have baggage, and may exist more hesitant to get into something serious, particularly if they've been married before.
They may have infant mama drama or an ex-wife from hell that makes them call back twice before getting serious with someone new.
And equally for you, if y'all're divorced, y'all know how hard that was from an emotional — non to mention legal — standpoint. There'south no reason why you should rush into anything either.
Then take your time.
That being said…if he'southward admittedly avoiding that big conversation despite you trying to accept it over and over once more, your jerk alert radar should go up. Some men will declension along with a woman every bit long as they can until she starts request them to emotionally show upwardly in the human relationship.
He may have it adept. You melt for him. He gets to have sex with yous. He has someone to listen to his gripes.
He'south non dumb. He knows a good thing when he has it.
But if he's emotionally unavailable, he may not be able to give what you demand in render. That, my Sexy Confident Lady, is when you bail.
Considering you deserve ameliorate. And will go information technology.
Take you ever been in a state of affairs when a guy told yous he didn't know what he wanted, but then it ultimately worked out? Share your inspirational stories beneath!
PS. If you lot're prepare to avoid the flaky men and the players, then it's time to learn the 7 fiddling love steps – Register here to get started (it's 100% free).
Source: https://lovestrategies.com/doesnt-know-wants/
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